Having kids is like being a prison guard at times. You’re in charge no matter how the inmates behave. It’s your job to get’em up, get’em fed, get’em moving, and get’em back to their cells at night.
The key to getting it all done in a reasonable time and fashion is creating and keeping a routine for the kids to follow. It creates order, keeps things calm and minimizes unpleasant surprises.
One the routines is pajama time. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever had to put footy pajamas on a 1 year old but their strategy falls somewhere between Boggs’ escape attempts and a mackerel flopping on the ground. The frustration and time suck for all participants turns into an intriguing prisoner’s dilemma.
What is a prisoner’s dilemma?
The economics professor answer would be — A prisoner's dilemma is a game theory model involving two rational agents. Each participant can either cooperate with the other for mutual benefit or betray/work against their partner ("defect") for individual gain. The dilemma arises from the fact that while betraying the other is rational for each individual, cooperation yields a higher payoff for each.
The key factors when thinking about a prisoner’s dilemma include:
Playing a Single Vs Repeated Game
The Rationale Agents assumption
I do the above every fucking night. Does that kid look rationale to you?
Prisoner’s Dilemma in Action
In simple terms, being in a prisoner’s dilemma means everybody loses. No one gets ahead because both sides got greedy for themselves and ruined it. So, let’s think about the prisoner’s dilemma problem of putting on footy pajamas—
In theory the problem is quite simple -
I want your foot in the pajama leg so I can watch TV.
You want your freedom to play.
Yet, I can’t get your foot in the pajama leg because I’m just holding on tight while you squirm for your freedom so neither of us wins
Look, I even had my A.I. intern draw it up and give solutions.
With two rationale agents, several well-known strategies exist. 1 year olds are not rationale agents. Luckily, people smarter than myself came up with some great strategies for when 1 person is rationale and the other is not.
1. Play “Tit-for-Tat + Grace”
Start with Cooperate (play along).
If son Fights, you Punish in the next round (timeout, no toy, leave the park).
BUT — show forgiveness after one punishment. Go back to “Cooperate.”
Why? Toddlers learn patterns. Dad trains son to expect: “Cooperation gets me fun; Fighting gets me boredom.”
2. Use Reward-Linked Signals
Make outcomes crystal clear:
“If you put on PJs without fighting, we get story time.”
“If you throw a tantrum, we skip story and go straight to bed.”
This converts a fuzzy incentive system into an explicit payoff matrix your son can grasp — even if it’s with stickers and bedtime rituals.
3. Use Reputation in Repetition
The kid doesn’t remember economic models, but they remember reactions.
Make your responses consistent and predictable.
Don’t bluff. If tantrum = timeout, then tantrum must always = timeout.
With some luck, you’ll be successful and one of these strategies brings you both closer to a positive end state.
Or when someone asks, “Why is your kid running around in a diaper at bedtime?” you can just tell the truth.
Interested in being on the Trader Dads Podcast in 2025? Shoot me an email! I’d love to have subscribers on to sit for a discussion
TRADERDADS MAILBAG
Thoughts? Questions? Comments?
Reach out! Maybe I’ll do a full post on the topic or as a Q&A
traderdads@substack.com
