It’s official. I got word this month my old college fraternity was politely asked to leave campus due to “flagrant violations of the campus social policy”.
It was this…but more alcohol-y and less paddle-y
It’s a shame really. I’m a strong proponent of young men being involved with, and having a vested interest in an organization where they must work together towards success.
The military, a sports team, or for us cowardly and unathletic types…a social fraternity.
In theory, you could say M.B.A.-ish type things like: you learn leadership, conflict resolution skills, or the importance of community service in an environment of likeminded men promoting something bigger than themselves and fulfilling the responsibilities and expectations put on them. From the mundane of scrubbing pots and pans to learning the patience of more nuanced conflict resolution and leadership tactics.
Truthfully, you learn how to —-
put up with assholes
make a living environment tolerable
navigate bureaucratic rules and checklists
learn enough about people’s feelings and friendships to prevent being labeled a weirdo
That also means being in a Fraternity has real positive transferable skills for later in life especially when you get to a stage of life with a career, a family and kids. The parallels are striking when you stop and think.
Your kids - like drunk 21 year olds at a party - are a bunch of inconsiderate, self-absorbed people who often do irrational things with no rhyme or reason. But you get used it.
Leadership or Parenting - You Decide
2)Make a living environment tolerable
“Living in the house”, you learn to have respect for your property and take care of it…Seriously. Cleaning the house, mopping the floor, scrubbing pots and pans, keeping the refrigerator filled or at least tossing out rotten things. Shoveling snow. All the things you learn to do at a collegiate age while living in a fraternity house comes WAY back around when you own a 4 bedroom home in the suburbs, with kids who need snacks every 8.5 minutes
Do the opposite
3) Navigate bureaucratic rules and checklists
Most Fraternities have to pass a series of accreditations or benchmarks set by the academic administration to keep themselves in good standing. And in other news, my kid’s classmom sent an email last week with events, dates, fundraisers, deadlines and “volunteering” opportunities that was longer than this post!
I only showed up at 2 events scheduled for 3:00PM on weekdays…quota was 3
4) Learn enough about people’s feelings and friendships to prevent being labeled a weirdo
Believe it or not, men are not always the best at emotion. But throw 40 of them in a house, with liquor, girls, testosterone and no supervision——you’ll see some shit! But those high stressors are just the thing to exercise proper social skills and coping techniques for when people are irrational or need cheering up. A critical lifeline and skillset down the road when you deal with tantrums in the toy aisle of Target or someone gets picked last in gym class.
He bothers to try…that’s how we know he cares.
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To instill the positive skills mentioned without turning everything into a buzzkill of a job, we had a simple saying in college for anyone who needs to step up— “Do what you think is right”.
33% peer pressure
33% self reliance
33% common sense
1% Punitive enforcement if absolutely required
It had the uncanny ability to get guys to largely stay in line, take on the responsibilities and mature just enough to become a reasonably upstanding person.
I take that mantra along with me when dealing with my kids quite often. For both myself and for what I ask of them.
Unfortunately, the young men who got the boot this winter, clearly did not do what they thought was right, and now the organization is gone. A shame really. R.I.P.
Interested in being on the Trader Dads Podcast in 2024? Shoot me an email! I’d love to have subscribers on to sit for a discussion
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Thoughts? Questions? Comments?
Reach out! Maybe I’ll do a full post on the topic or as a Q&A
